Guy Talk
by Myrddin Emrys The Third
Summary: A dialogue between friends escalates into something more. M/slash, mentions of hetero.


_**Guy Talk**_

Draco and Blaise were lounging in the common room by the fire.

"Ok, so your best kiss?" Blaise asked.

Draco looked thoughtful and said, "Daphne."

"Best fuck?"

"Pansy."

"Best blow job?"

"Theo."

"WHAT! You're kidding me?"

"Not kidding. That guy has a talented tongue."

"I dread to ask if the two of you fucked."

"Course we did."

... "How was it?"

"Nearly beat Pansy. That girl is just too energetic and sensual to beat."

"Did you top, or did he?"

"We took turns."

"You took turns?"

"I wanted to try both ways."

"You're seriously queer, dude."

"Not really, I like fucking girls more."

"So you were just curious?"

"Yep. So what about you, Blaise? What was your best kiss?"

"Uh, Pansy."

"Best fuck?"

"Hannah Abbot."

"What? You fucked a Hufflepuff?"

"Yeah, they're awesome in bed."

"Whatever, I'll just stick to Slytherins and Ravenclaws, thank you."

"Your loss mate."

"Ok, so who gave you your best blowjob?"

"Ginny Weasley."

"You're fucking Gryffindors, too? What's wrong with you?"

"Hey, a fuck is a fuck, dude."

"Not when it's a Gryffindork."

"Whatever."

...

...

"So... When did you fuck Theo, Drake?"

"You remember Pansy's birthday, fifth year?"

"Vaguely. I remember shagging Pansy's brains out."

"Well, when everyone else went to bed, there was just Theo and me left in the common room. We were totally wasted, but then he just came over, undid my pants, and gave me a blowjob."

"And that led to you shagging?"

"Yes. But the next morning we swore to forget it ever happened. Too bad, though."

…

"What? I told you he was a good fuck."

"Are you sure you aren't queer? Because it sounds like it."

"I'm not gay, Blaise! Let it go already!"

"Fine. Is there anyone you want to fuck, but either can't, or just haven't gotten around to it yet?"

"Granger."

"I thought you said fucking Gryffindors was wrong?"

"It is. Which is why I'll probably never shag the know it all, but still, you can't deny she's fucking sexy now."

"Hmm… You've got a point there, Drake."

"What about you? Who's your forbidden fuck?"

"Forbidden Fuck? How'd you come up with that one?"

"Just shut up and answer the question, you prick!"

"Alright, forbidden fuck would have to be… um… maybe Potter."

"WHAT THE FUCK! ARE YOU INSANE? YOU WANT HARRY FUCKING POTTER!"

"Would you shut up you fag!"

"I'M NOT A FAG! _YOU'RE_ THE ONE WHO WANTS POTTER!"

"I am never telling you anything like this again!"

"I should bloody well hope not!"

"Don't pout, Drake, it's not becoming."

"Shut up. In fact don't say another bloody word to me you queer!"

"Hey! _You're _the one who's already shagged a guy, not me."

"It's just that it's Potter! How could you, Blaise?"

"I haven't, you twat!"

"Alright, fine, we'll just pretend you never said that, alright?"

"It's a deal."

…

…

…

"Sooo… since you shagged Theo, would you shag me?"

"What the hell?"

"Its just a question. _Would _you shag me?"

"… You want me to shag you?"

"No! Well… maybe. If we were drunk enough… Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what? Like you're a crazy arsehole?"

"Exactly!"

…

…

"I would."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I would shag you. I'm sure you'd be an adequate enough fuck to get me through it."

"ADEQUATE!"

"That's what I said."

"I AM NOT ADEQUATE! I'M FUCKING AWESOME IN THE SACK, YOU DICK!"

"Ok, prove it."

…

…

…

…

"What?"

"I said prove it. Come over here."

"Ok, now what?"

…

"Hey! Why are you undoing your… oh."

"Well?"

"Alright, but you realise that we can't blame it all on alcohol?"

"I know."

…

"Oh fuck."

"Mmph."

"Shit, Blaise, your tongue is fucking brilliant!"

…

"Oh, Merlin!"

…

"Merlin's saggy balls, that was fantastic!"

"I told you I was awesome in the sack."

"We haven' fucked yet."

"But we will. Hey! What're you…?"

"Shut up and let me prepare you."

"What! No way am I… _What the heck was that!_"

"Nonverbal spell to lubricate."

"Fine, just get it ov-oh-ah!"

"Geeze, you're fucking tight!"

"Well, not all of us have done this before, you know… ah-haaa!"

"Grab your dick."

"What?"

"Trust me, if you wank yourself at the same time, it'll be even better."

"Oh, that _is_ better! Shit, this is sooo good!"

…

…

…

"Aargh!"

"Shit, that was intense. You really should consider being a sub, Blaise."

"Piss off, wanker."

…

"So… do I get to fuck you then?"

"If you want. Do you want me to do the lube spell?"

"That would help. But could we wait a moment until my dick starts working again?"

"Sure."

…

…

…

…

"Ok, that should be good. Are you gonna start with giving me a blowjob?"

"Why don't you just tug yourself off a bit first?"

…

…

"You just don't want to return the favour!"

"Fine!"

"That's damned…. Oh Merlin! Shit!"

…

"Oh god!"

…

"Damn! Oh!"

…

"Shit, that was intense! You didn't have to swallow, though."

"I wanted to. Now…"

"That's quite a view…"

"Shut up and fuck me, Blaise!"

"Alright."

"Ah! Oh my god, you're going in deep!"

"Fuck! You're tighter than a vagina!"

"Of course I bloody well am! Just shut up and fuck me!"

"Picky, picky!"

"Ugh! Oh! Fuck!"

…

…

…

…

"Oh! Ah!"

"Fucking awesome!"

"Ok, so maybe fucking a guy isn't too bad…"

"Are you kidding me, Blaise? I think that I might just go gay if it's always like this!"

"What about your secret desire to shag Granger, Drake?"

…

…

"Ok, maybe I'll swing both ways."

"Me too. I've got a date tomorrow night with Ginny after all."


End file.
